Daddy Issues (Part 2 - The Teen Years)

Daddy Issues

As I got older, I started receiving my own share of mental and emotional abuse. There was manipulation, lies, and dishonest motives. Never did my dad hit me, and in all honesty, it's probably good for him that he did not. After seeing and hearing all that he did over the years, I was very angry and I let him know it. I am thankful he never raised his hand to me, because I probably would have snapped.  

I began to realize that my dad was using me. Every summer I would go to visit him, the first place he would take me when I arrived was to the courthouse. He wanted his child support payments to be stopped while I was with him. What he paid was a ridiculously low amount, but to actually push to have payments stopped while I visited was despicable. It was a way to stick it to my mom. He would complain about how much money he spent on me, while I visited. Groceries and toiletries that a teenage girl needs were a source of financial argument.  

It was really in my teen years when my anger truly boiled over. As if the years of abuse and now the manipulation were not enough, I learned that there had also been infidelity on my dad’s part. He cheated on my mom, but blamed her and said she was cheating. The thing is, he was so controlling, and he would not even allow her a driver’s license. So, she could not go anywhere without him or without him knowing it. It was at the time of my cousin’s wedding that I learned the identity of the main woman that my dad had an affair with. She was at my cousin’s wedding and she was trying to hook up with my dad right in front of me. The volcano was about to erupt. 

Luckily, the music was loud enough to cover up what I said from spoiling my cousin’s wedding. I cut in on them dancing together and told my dad to go sit down. I pulled her to the side and let her have a big piece of my mind. I won’t repeat what I said, but I said what needed to be said and she got the picture to stay away after that.  

Of course my dad was not happy and waited, like a coward til we got home to unleash his verbal fury. He had no idea what he had just stepped into. I did not wait for him to finish his sentence before I went nuclear on him. He was so shocked that he could not say a word. I let it all out in one moment. I said everything that was on my mind from years ago.  

I let him know that his choices destroyed our family. I let him know how hurt I was, how I could not trust him, how I hated him for all of this, and how I was not going to stand for it any more. I told him under no circumstances was I asking for my family to be put back together, because everyone was far too hurt for that. However, I did tell him that he needed to think over all that he had said and done over the years and he had to make amends for everything. I told him he had to accept the responsibility for his actions and apologize to everyone for all of it. I told him he had no idea how messed up everyone was because of what he had done. I also told him he did not deserve happiness and I forbid him to remarry. He did not like this, but I told him he lost his chance and had to live with his decision.

I never felt so liberated, so free! It was a long night of me getting a lot off of my chest. It felt great. You know, my dad was crying and begging my forgiveness when it was also said and done. I told him he had to prove he was sorry, because I had heard him tell my mom he was sorry many times, only to revert back to the monster that wrecked our home.
 
To this day, I don’t think he has made amends with my mom, brother, and sister. There was a brief moment around my high school graduation that I thought he would make things right, with everyone together, but it was not so.

Continued...