Husbands need to know that their wife respects them. They need to know that she honors and values him because of his unique abilities to protect and provide. He needs to know that she honors and values his physical strength and power. It does not matter whether he is a buff body builder or not. As long as he is respected as strong in her eyes is all that matters to him. Husbands also need to know that their wife is their confidant and will protect and secure his most vulnerable secrets. They need to know that what they do for the home and family is not overlooked. They need to know that their job and career is significant to their wife and that she supports him in this. Husbands also need to know they are handsome to their wives. They need to know they are her one and only champion whom she esteems high above all other men. They need to know that they have what it takes to make her happy in intimate ways.
Wives need to know they are loved for who they are and not how they look or what they weigh. Women are emotionally vulnerable, so they need to know that their husbands think they are the most beautiful woman in the world to their man. They need to know that his love is so deep that he would never consider any other woman. She needs to hear that she is loved and is beautiful to him. She needs to know that he would fight to defend her honor. She needs to feel safe because of him. She needs his emotional support and listening ear. She also needs his complements and love in small every day ways. Helping her with daily chores is money in the bank. She needs him to understand and be patient with her when she gets stressed out and cranky. It's not personal guys. It's hormones and yes, we need to work on it, instead of making excuses. The best way to diffuse the irritable time bomb is with love, love, love (and sometimes chocolate). She needs to know that no matter what her body type, she is loved, period.
There was a guest speaker, Rick Bezet, at my church a week ago and he took about 5 minutes at the beginning of his message to talk about love and marriage, as the Bible explains it. Here is the passage he quoted. It's from Ephesians 5:21-33 (God's Word translation).
21 Place yourselves under each other’s authority out of respect for Christ. 22 Wives, place yourselves under your husbands’ authority as you have placed yourselves under the Lord’s authority. 23 The husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. It is his body, and he is its Savior. 24 As the church is under Christ’s authority, so wives are under their husbands’ authority in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. 26 He did this to make the church holy by cleansing it, washing it using water along with spoken words. 27 Then he could present it to himself as a glorious church, without any kind of stain or wrinkle—holy and without faults. 28 So husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. 29 No one ever hated his own body. Instead, he feeds and takes care of it, as Christ takes care of the church. 30 We are parts of his body. 31 That’s why a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will be one. 32 This is a great mystery. (I’m talking about Christ’s relationship to the church.) 33 But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands.
Rick said a few very profound things in those brief 5 minutes that made me stop and think. For instance, he started with the S word, which many women hate because they don't understand it. SUBMISSION is the word we're talking about here. Side note: the BEST definition and explanation for this word I ever heard was from best selling author, Lisa Bevere. The prefix "sub" means under something. The root word, "mission" means assignment. So, submission means we are under the same assignment or mission.
Women also have trouble with the R word, which is RESPECT. It has a connotation of being under someone and needing to look up to them. However, the truth is it's mutual (this is plain to see in verse 21). The emphasis here is that it is the language men speak and receive. Hence, it is how women need to relate to and communicate with men.
Rick proceeded to explain this dynamic. Yes, wives are required to respect and submit to their husbands in these 4 verses. However, the man is called to a greater responsibility. The apostle Paul takes 8 verses to explain how husbands are required to LOVE their wives and lay down their lives for them. This is a far weightier command than to respect and submit. Put it this way ladies, would you rather respect and submit or die? It's funny when I put it that way, but there's something unique here. God requires the husband to give more than the wife. We should take notice and not minimize this.
If this is done properly, there is no problem with those pesky S and R words. If a man is willing to lay down his life for you, then you have no fear of abuse, him cheating on you, or anything else for that matter. As Rick put it, the husband is commanded to not only die to himself and lay down his life for his wife, but he is also commanded to love her as he loves himself.
Rick went on to explain that God commanded this, because He knows that women don't love themselves. We are so critical of how we look, what we weigh, and if our husband finds us attractive. Men, on the other hand love themselves regardless of fat, body hair, or blemishes. So, they can love their wives as themselves without question.
As she respects him and he loves her, something beautiful happens. Each of them are fulfilled, because they are speaking each other's language. The cycle continues in a healthy manner with the result being a happy, happy, happy marriage. This is the key to a strong and lasting marriage that meets one another's needs and brings true fulfillment.
One last thought on this subject. I can't remember who said it, but this is so true. Marriage is 2 imperfect people loving and respecting each other beyond faults and failures. This kind of love brings healing and restoration to the couple, as they each lend their strengths the other's weaknesses. It's about mercy & grace poured out for one another in the form of love and respect.
